Trucks ramble along,
Way under the speed limit.
Yup, in Ohio.
I live in Northern Pennsylvania. This means that any time I head west, I end up driving through Ohio. Since my girlfriend lives in Illinois, this means I end up driving through Ohio at least once every month or so.
This, folks, is far too high a frequency to be in Ohio.
It’s not that Ohio is a particularly bad state. Far from it, I would much rather drive through Ohio than (for example) Florida. This is partly because Florida is far too humid and hot, and partly because, being a Northerner, I am slightly allergic to the South. No, Ohio offends because of its blandness. This blandness permeates every aspect of the state. In the west it is endless fields and boring scenery, however it is Eastern Ohio that seriously offends. Mile after mile after mile of endless suburban sprawl. Eastern Ohio is one massive glut of strip-mall America. Faux Americana restaurants, tire shops, car dealerships, shabby malls and lousy apartments. For half the distance from East to West, Ohio belches up the 90’s reality of capitalist America. It’s a depressing, endless, tattered tarmac stretch.
This would be bad enough, this boring homogeneous blob of shops that seem to appeal to the lowest common denominator, but it is the drivers of Ohio that really hammer the reality home. Ohio denizens must be fiercely proud of their state and desire the visitor to spend as much time as possible there because they certainly discourage speed. Ohio police officers are notorious for pulling over travelers for seemingly minor speed offences. However, this zealotry is largely unnecessary because of the way Ohio drivers go about the business of operating a vehicle on a two-lane highway. For any Ohio drivers who might be reading, allow me to explain how two-lane highways traditionally operate. The right lane is for slower traffic, the left lane for faster traffic and passing. That’s it. It’s not complicated.
Ohio does things differently. Take this scenario:
SCENE: Western Ohio, route 76.
Enter two cars in the right lane. One is driving at 61mph and the other, approaching from behind, at 61.02mph
Car two: “goodness, this car in front of me is driving far too slowly, I must pull into left lane to overtake them!”
Car two proceeds to pull into the left lane and, for the next 5-10 miles, pull past the car on the right at a speed differential of roughly one tenth of one mile per hour.
Me, behind car two and unable to pass, slowly turning purple.
Repeat scene frequently as Ohio passes by.
Get the picture? Why does this happen? I don’t see it much in Pennsylvania (people who are passing do so in a fairly speedy way) nor do I see it when I get through Ohio into Indiana (home of the enlightened 70mph speed limit!). It seems to be a largely Ohio phenomenon and one I see repeated every time I drive through the state.
Five hundred words later, I have to get to the bottom of this and ask: does anyone know why this happens so frequently in Ohio? Please, leave a comment if you do.
The Grover Wheel 
It’s simple; they’re scared of the traffic cops. Even when passing you don’t want to tempt the po-po with a juicy 6-mile-over-the-limit ticket.
As for your other complaints: absolutely correct. Where I live your choice is basically commercial white america or ghetto. I might have to sacrifice my short commute for a rural home, because this area deadens my soul.
So at least go 65. Not 57. I go by cops in Ohio doing 70 and never have a problem.
And yeah, move to the country. It’s just better.