The Grover Wheel

I am an Eastern boy. I spent my days growing up alternating between Massachusetts and the coast of Maine. My idea of a beach is a rocky crag and scrub pine. I am used to a respectful lack of attention from strangers and winding country lanes. I have avoided the South because, well, I am allergic to Southerners and I have been told there are quite a few of them down there.

So imagine my surprise on finding myself cheerfully pursuing (and getting, thank you very much) a new job in the heart of the Midwest: Indiana.

Indiana. Specifically the part known as “Chicagoland.” And yes, I was quite surprised to find that reporters could use the word “Chicagoland” in a formal way. To me, “Chicagoland” sounds like an amusement park. And, frankly, any part of the world that includes places like Gary, Indiana should not be mistaken for an amusement park.

Starting a new job in a new part of the world is exciting. I was excited to be so close to the coast of lake Michigan. Sadly, the sand dunes (which apparently are great, somehow) get in the way of seeing the coast unless you’re actually *on* the beach. So much for that.

But I was also excited to try new foods and local specialties. And I am happy to report that Chicago Dogs are delicious. The addition of a pickle spear and tomato to a hot dog is brilliant and allows me to justify the meal as a healthy salad. However, I would recommend that anyone purchasing this delicacy eat the meal immediately. The addition of so much vegetation to a dog means that the bun (which has already been steamed) goes soggy within minutes. Feel free to use this fact as an excuse to eat your Chicago Dog at an undignified pace. I did.

Chicago deep dish pizza is also delicious. But don’t think of it as pizza. It’s more like a lasagna/pizza hybrid. East-coast deep dish has nothing on true Chicago deep dish. True deep dish is a fatty, cheesy, caloric bombshell that provides a satisfying meal. Actually, bombshell is the wrong word. Nuclear detonation would be a better word. It’s one of the heaviest foods I have ever eaten. And I love it. I just ask my readers to check my pulse if they see me slumped over after enjoying it.

But finding caloric overload has not been the biggest change for me; it’s the driving. I currently have an hour commute each way to work and that has given me a lot of time to observe Midwestern driving. In short? It’s terrible. The Midwest is the easiest place in the world to drive (every road is a straight line), but I have still seen countless people unable to keep pace with the speed limits. I have found myself longing for corners and the pleasure of difficult driving.

However, I have found a few upsides to the monotony of Midwestern roads. For one, straight and flat roads are fantastic for fuel economy. My 2012 Honda Civic Coupe is rated at about 39mpg highway and I have been getting an easy 40+ mpg on a combined cycle. And easy roads are excellent for catching up on your favorite audio books or albums. In fact, I suggest getting a subscription to your favorite streaming audio service, pairing up your phone, and relaxing during your drive. I do. My most recent commute, a rainy mess of snarled traffic, was made excellent by a great stereo and a Dido album. And while I don’t usually recommend Dido, she is the perfect selection for a rainy day.

All told, I can’t really recommend the Midwest as an ideal place to live. Outside of the fields, it’s not particularly beautiful. And there are too many crummy chain restaurants, and the roads are rubbish. But it’s not as bad as people make it out to be. And, as I have found in every place I have lived, beauty and pleasure is found when you go out and look for it.

Also, I am really glad I didn’t fit performance suspension on my car. Because the potholes are terrible.